I know, I know, it's been a while, and I apologize. But I've returned now, so feel free to put me back as your home page. You can also end cue those trumpets now - all that heralding can really go to girl's head, you know.
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Scientists have successfully used inkjet printers to deposit substances into petri dishes – namely, human stem cells. This method could provide the necessary preliminary step in building human tissues and eventually organs for those who need them. If I ever need tissue, I hope they’ll print my DNA in a nice, mauve Wingdings font.
An advisory board for the FDA has concluded that cold medicine is dangerous for children under the age of ten. Looks like these tots are out of luck when it comes to infection. Whew, good thing the President didn’t just veto a bill aiming to provide health care for 10 million children.
The Air Force has admitted that it failed to check nuclear missiles before transportation them in August. Six nuclear missiles were mistakenly flown on a B-52 from North Dakota to Louisiana and left unsecured for 36 hours. The Times reported that “the Air Force investigation found that long-established procedures for handling the munitions had not been followed.” Mainly, not mistaking weapons of mass destruction for a six-piece luggage set.
James Watson, co-winner of the Nobel Prize for discovering the DNA helix, has come under fire for making racist comments regarding the intelligence of those of African-American descent in an interview published by The Times of London. His remarks were met with a strong backlash in the English and American scientific communities. That’s right, a bunch of WASPs called their own home-boy out on his lame dis. Watson was in London at the time promoting his new book “Avoid Boring People: Lessons From a Life in Science,” a gripping page-turner in which Dr. Watson vehemently attacks the abilities of all races, saying he fears for the future of humankind and instead “finds the company of most bacteria positively more delightful and stimulating.”
A recent study has found that corals have “primitive photoreceptors” that “respond to moonlight,” making the corals “dissolve into an orgy of reproduction” once a year. This also serves as newest way to gauge your sex life: ask yourself, are coral reefs getting more nightcaps than me? If the answer is yes, then, well, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr. Watson talked about you in his book.
Lastly, the Portland school district has approved a measure that will allow a middle school in Maine to provide prescription birth control to students without parental consent. The pill will be offered at a discounted rate to those students who can actually spell “oral contraceptive.”
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Discussion point: This week the Kansas Department of Health and Environment rejected a permit to Sunflower Electric Power Corporation to build a coal power plant near Holcomb, KS. What is the likelihood that this same ruling would have occurred had Al Gore not won a Nobel Peace Prize for his environmental work the week before?
October 20, 2007
August 31, 2007
Sex, Lies, and Ron Weasley's Worst Nightmare
Craig Blip on the Bathroom Gaydar
This week, news broke that Idaho Senator Larry Craig was arrested for lewd conduct towards an undercover officer in a men’s bathroom in June. Allegedly, Craig tapped his foot and engaged in a number of other signals commonly used to initiate sex. Craig originally pleaded guilty to the charges, but now regrets his statement. “I am not gay,” Craig said, “It is a sad day for our country when you can’t even stand in the privacy of your own bathroom stall and tap your foot while humming the DreamGirls soundtrack.”
Hsu’s Clues: Shady Source of Funds Revealed
Democratic candidates vying for the presidential nomination have turned away thousands of campaign funds indirectly received from Norman Hsu, who turned himself in after years spent avoiding serving a sentence for grand theft. Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama have both donated Hsu’s contributions to charity; John Edwards has contributed the entirety of his lofty share to the “Exile Style Foundation,” a new organization dedicated to giving expensive haircuts to cosmetically deprived fugitives and founded in response to the alarming state of Hsu’s ‘do:
“Hey, check out the catarack on that one!”
A new study has found that the elderly engage in more sexual activity than anyone ever thought or wanted to think about. After stopping their collective cringing, readers realized the fallacies in this report when the only source cited was “The Girls Next Door.”
Weapons of Mass Construction Hit Too Close to Home
Scientists have uncovered a gigantic spider web near Dallas, Texas. The infrastructure is strong, formed by many difference Iraqnid cells cooperating together. Alarmed by their weapons of mass construction, the state of Texas has deployed troops to the area. Freddie Gowan, park ranger, was cited in the NYT confirming that terrorism is not limited to one area, but a serious threat plaguing even the freest acres: “[The spiders] are spreading out for sure. They’re going to take over.” Given the increased tension between the Iraqnids and the U.S., a recent web video circulated by the say that if capture is imminent for Osama bin Long-Legged, his body guards would kill him.
This week, news broke that Idaho Senator Larry Craig was arrested for lewd conduct towards an undercover officer in a men’s bathroom in June. Allegedly, Craig tapped his foot and engaged in a number of other signals commonly used to initiate sex. Craig originally pleaded guilty to the charges, but now regrets his statement. “I am not gay,” Craig said, “It is a sad day for our country when you can’t even stand in the privacy of your own bathroom stall and tap your foot while humming the DreamGirls soundtrack.”
Hsu’s Clues: Shady Source of Funds Revealed
Democratic candidates vying for the presidential nomination have turned away thousands of campaign funds indirectly received from Norman Hsu, who turned himself in after years spent avoiding serving a sentence for grand theft. Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama have both donated Hsu’s contributions to charity; John Edwards has contributed the entirety of his lofty share to the “Exile Style Foundation,” a new organization dedicated to giving expensive haircuts to cosmetically deprived fugitives and founded in response to the alarming state of Hsu’s ‘do:
“Hey, check out the catarack on that one!”
A new study has found that the elderly engage in more sexual activity than anyone ever thought or wanted to think about. After stopping their collective cringing, readers realized the fallacies in this report when the only source cited was “The Girls Next Door.”
Weapons of Mass Construction Hit Too Close to Home
Scientists have uncovered a gigantic spider web near Dallas, Texas. The infrastructure is strong, formed by many difference Iraqnid cells cooperating together. Alarmed by their weapons of mass construction, the state of Texas has deployed troops to the area. Freddie Gowan, park ranger, was cited in the NYT confirming that terrorism is not limited to one area, but a serious threat plaguing even the freest acres: “[The spiders] are spreading out for sure. They’re going to take over.” Given the increased tension between the Iraqnids and the U.S., a recent web video circulated by the say that if capture is imminent for Osama bin Long-Legged, his body guards would kill him.
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