September 1, 2008

The Life and Times of Sarah Palin: A Photo Tribute

There has been a lot of broo-hah-hah over the Republican VP pick in the past few days, like if she can sway jaded Hillary supporters, if her two-year stint as Alaskan governor is sufficient experience for the position, and why she, as the governor of the coldest state in the Union, only seems to be wearing sandals in every picture I see of her.

But we here at Bichitalk salute Palin for catapulting the image of women everywhere from historically oppressed by old, white men to now politically deferring to an old white man! Hats off to you, Sarah Palin, because you can’t wear them in the White House anyway.

We would like to pay homage to the epic journey leading up to her quest for the most useless office in the world with a brief overview of her laundry list of policies while in office:

2005 – Supports building a natural gas pipeline through wilderness reserves.

Caution: That personalized safety vest means business!

2006 – Defeats incumbent governor Frank Murkowski after slandering him and dealing under the table to ruin his career for many years. Sells governor’s jet, opts for sled dog transportation only.

If you were a human fetus, I would never rip you out of your mother’s womb, although I would really, really like to. Kthanks bye!

2006 – Foreshadows future plans for hyperbolic dead animal White House decorations. Close sources confirm she plans to put her favorite extinct species Johneus McCainus in the Oval Office. Palin with the future Chief of Staff and Defense Secretary

2008 – Opposes putting polar bears on the endangered species list. To placate public outcry, she starts dressing like one, eyeing her opponents like salmon with the same hungry madness: Palin is staunchly pro-button, even in the case of non-consensual pinning.

2008 – Nominated as John McCain’s VP running mate, although she is young enough to be his daughter. Campaign officials report that strategy has shifted to long daily hours collaboration between the two, in which he tests her on international geography flash cards before her 8:00 bedtime. 'The real question we have all been avoiding, I must say, is, where is Iraq?' That's a good question, Sarah Palin. You're not afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions and stick to your (NRA) guns, and for that, we believe you'll make it all the way to the top.


Anonymous said...

Very nice! Where the hell did you get that picture of Sarah with a King crab and brown bear?!

A few comments from your resident Alaskansan: Frank Murkowski was a sonofabitch. He fucked up so much of Alaska;s infrastructure that anyone would have been better than him. Hats off to Sarah for unseating that crooked, senile fuckup.

Also, sometimes its better to not have animals on the endangered list. Case in point: beluga whales in Yakutat are dwindling, and rather than go through the work to get them on the endangered list, energies are being used for immediate biological action, not beaurocratic paperwork.


Bichitalk said...

I know Ol Murk was kind of a skeez-ball, but Palin definitely used unsavory tactics against him. Maybe it was an upgrade, but not much of an improvement, and certainly not behavior we want in the White House if Palin to represent the values of change for which she was selected.

I agree that current aid is certainly more beneficial than static paperwork for endangered species, but Palin doesn't believe that global warming is a result of human activity, as she stated in defense of her decision to not put polar bears on the list. That sort of mentality is sure to lead to the wrong approach environmentally.

P.S. That picture is everywhere on the internet. It inspired the entire post!

Anonymous said...

Wow! This is the first time I've ever read your blog, and might I say Katie. O, that it is awesome. You my dear, have a new addict.