Front Page:
In a lengthy article about transgender individuals, a physician describes gender confusion in complicated medical jargon: "'There are girl brains and boy brains, and there are girl (body) parts and boy parts, and sometimes they get mixed up.'"Consequently, today's prayer in Faith and Values appeals to God to stop playing with his Mr. Potato-head doll.

Speaking of which..."Faith and Values" blurb announces that The Southern Baptist Convention has created a new paying position with the title "Homosexuality Strategist." The job's first employee, Bob Stith, announced that his main goal is to help gays and lesbians overcome the "temptation dominating their life." Mainly, the temptation to run away in the opposition direction when he approaches. The Convention's conference room has now been converted into a locker room where Baptists huddle together in their "Team Discrimination" jerseys and listen to Stith explain their strategic future plays with circles and x's on white boards. Mainly, circling pictures of homosexuals and drawing big x's over them.

Opinion Line:
The white man's burden, reinvented: "Police in small towns around Wichita routinely stop carloads of white kids. Racial profiling?" It's so hard being the majority race with the man always keepin' you down.
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On the national front: Hilary Clinton has picked a Celine Dion tune as the official song of her campaign, reportedly after attending her concert at Caesar's Palace. This is one decision that happened in Vegas, and should have stayed there. Although my heart will go on, my vote will not.